Rebuilding.

I’ve finally decided to stop wallowing in self-misery. It’s incredibly unhealthy for all persons involved. I’ve started going back to church, praying every day, reading my Bible, and involving my kids in all of the afore-mentioned. And I must say, I feel pretty peaceful right now. Even though my ex is still camping out on my couch (he’s going back to North Carolina on Sunday), and the tension is crazy in my house right now, I’m really trying to get through these last days with peace and grace. I’m figuring out how to rebuild our lives from the smoking pile of rubble that we’re currently in. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s not going to be instant, but it’ll happen. I just have to have faith.

In less-depressing news (well….a little depressing) I’m 13 weeks pregnant. It’s my ex’s baby. It happened a month after he moved here after a lot of really immature and irresponsible decisions by the two of us. At first, I was incredibly angry. I already have a baby (technically a two year-old now), I didn’t want another one. But, like my mom keeps sayng, a baby is an incredible blessing no matter what the circumstances. So now, I’ve accepted it, and now that I know for a fact that my ex is leaving, I can actually start being excited about it. Now, most people would be like “Oh my goodness, how you can be happy that the father of your child is moving halfway across the country??? He won’t be there for support! He won’t be there to help you out! He won’t be there bla bla bla”. The truth is, I WANT him to go. I’m counting down the seconds until he leaves. I would much rather have and raise this baby by myself then have to deal with his lying and stealing and alcoholism at the same time. Plus, my mom lives two and a half minutes away from me. I’ll have plenty of help.

Alright, believe it or not, there has also been knitting! I joined the May Sockdown Challenge in the Sock Knitter’s Anonymous group on Ravelry. This month’s theme is Science/Tech/Geek, or Flora/Fauna. I chose to do a pair of Treebeard socks by Claire Ellen. I’m using Cakewalk Yarns HD sock yarn in Heavenly. It’s a beautiful tealy-greeny-turquoisey bluish color. It’s an 8-ply yarn, so the cables and the details in the pattern are really popping. It’s gorgeous. I’ve already started the heel flap on the first sock. Treebeard is an Ent from the Lord of the Rings series….sufficiently geeky enough.

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Comfort knitting.

 

I’m also finished with another round of birthdays! Devynne is now nine, Nolan is seven, and my little Stink (Charlotte) is two. Another year of survival, done.

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I’ve kept them alive longer than I have most plants.

 

 

 

Welcome to the Single Moms Club…..

 I kicked my now ex-boyfriend out. He’s an alcoholic, and I believed him when he said that he had stopped drinking “because he wanted to be a better man for my kids and I”. Turns out, he’s been drinking, lying about it, and hiding empty bottles in MY car and the garage. We had lived with my parents for the first month that he was here (he moved from North Carolina here to New Mexico) and my mom told me that she and my stepdad found at least fifteen empty bottles of whiskey hidden all over their house.

If that wasn’t bad enough, he refused to quit smoking, even though he has a two-pack a day habit. When someone is living paycheck to paycheck, it seems a little selfish to spend $16 a day on cigarettes.

He just isn’t the person he portrayed himself to be to my family and I. He used to swear that he would work three or four jobs if he had to in order to provide, and he was out of work for a month and a half after getting fired, because he was TOO LAZY to look for a new job. Now, we’ve only been in our house for a month and we’ve already had to sell stuff to make the bills, because he had one of my debit cards and was spending all of my CHILD SUPPORT (from ex-husband)…..I don’t even know what he was spending it on.

I’m so tired of putting up with thirty year-old children. I have three kids, going to have four….I don’t need another one. I flat-out refuse to tolerate a man lying to me again….I’ve had men lying to me since I was eighteen, and I’m sick of it. I honestly just want to be by myself, just eliminate all of the unneccesary drama. I just want to live alone with my kids and my pets, lol. I am so done with relationships. I know I’m coming off like a bitter old hag, but it’s the honest truth. From now on, I’m going to focus on raising my kids, rediscovering my faith, and making myself better.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone…..

I can see! My eyes have FINALLY cleared up, and fully functional. It only took a MONTH. (grumbling) Turns out, I have to be on an “artificial tears regimen” for the rest of my natural life, as my optometrist so eloquently put it. I don’t mind though. Eyedrops don’t bother me at all, even though I know for a fact that there are some full-grown adults that just *can’t* put them in their own eyes.

In the month since I last blogged, I’ve started AND finished a Clapotis. Thank the knitting gods that the pattern was so ridiculously easy, I was able to do it with my eyes closed….literally. Sometimes with just one eye taped close. My mom couldn’t believe that I was knitting with my eyes all screwed up, but she’s doesn’t understand that there is no such thing as a medical condition that requires one to stop knitting for a length of time. *Non-knitters…..pooh*.

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This thing is my new, most-favoritest, absolutely adored thing that I’ve ever knit. And I mean EVER. It’s beautiful. I LOVE it. I’ve already worn it twice since I finished it three days ago. For those who would like a link, it’s Clapotis by Kate Gilbert. I used Universal Yarns Bamboo Pop that I got from my LYS, with a size 5 needle.

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It fits me perfectly, as a little wrap OR a scarf. I plan on making at least fourteen more.

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