Rebuilding.

I’ve finally decided to stop wallowing in self-misery. It’s incredibly unhealthy for all persons involved. I’ve started going back to church, praying every day, reading my Bible, and involving my kids in all of the afore-mentioned. And I must say, I feel pretty peaceful right now. Even though my ex is still camping out on my couch (he’s going back to North Carolina on Sunday), and the tension is crazy in my house right now, I’m really trying to get through these last days with peace and grace. I’m figuring out how to rebuild our lives from the smoking pile of rubble that we’re currently in. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s not going to be instant, but it’ll happen. I just have to have faith.

In less-depressing news (well….a little depressing) I’m 13 weeks pregnant. It’s my ex’s baby. It happened a month after he moved here after a lot of really immature and irresponsible decisions by the two of us. At first, I was incredibly angry. I already have a baby (technically a two year-old now), I didn’t want another one. But, like my mom keeps sayng, a baby is an incredible blessing no matter what the circumstances. So now, I’ve accepted it, and now that I know for a fact that my ex is leaving, I can actually start being excited about it. Now, most people would be like “Oh my goodness, how you can be happy that the father of your child is moving halfway across the country??? He won’t be there for support! He won’t be there to help you out! He won’t be there bla bla bla”. The truth is, I WANT him to go. I’m counting down the seconds until he leaves. I would much rather have and raise this baby by myself then have to deal with his lying and stealing and alcoholism at the same time. Plus, my mom lives two and a half minutes away from me. I’ll have plenty of help.

Alright, believe it or not, there has also been knitting! I joined the May Sockdown Challenge in the Sock Knitter’s Anonymous group on Ravelry. This month’s theme is Science/Tech/Geek, or Flora/Fauna. I chose to do a pair of Treebeard socks by Claire Ellen. I’m using Cakewalk Yarns HD sock yarn in Heavenly. It’s a beautiful tealy-greeny-turquoisey bluish color. It’s an 8-ply yarn, so the cables and the details in the pattern are really popping. It’s gorgeous. I’ve already started the heel flap on the first sock. Treebeard is an Ent from the Lord of the Rings series….sufficiently geeky enough.

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Comfort knitting.

 

I’m also finished with another round of birthdays! Devynne is now nine, Nolan is seven, and my little Stink (Charlotte) is two. Another year of survival, done.

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I’ve kept them alive longer than I have most plants.

 

 

 

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