Once they’re gone…..

Disclaimer: This post is going to be sad, morose, and self-loathing.

My kids have been gone since the beginning of June. I offered (very graciously) to let my ex-husband have them for the first half of the summer, and I would have them for the second half. I *actually* thought that we were finally to the point where we could be cordial to one another, and we wouldn’t have to fight over every single aspect of our kids’ lives. I really thought that he was finally past the resentment and the hatred that he has towards me, and that this summer thing would proceed without any hiccups.

Boy, was I wrong.

The kids’ summer vacation is 80 days long, from start to finish. Half of that is 40 days. I texted him this morning asking what time we should meet to exchange the kids this Friday. He immediately responded saying that 45 days is a month and a half, and that’s what we agreed on, and 45 days ends this Sunday (which is actually wrong, 45 days ends on Saturday. The man works with calculus every day at his job and he can’t freakin’ count 45 days. But I digress.). Long story short, he threatened to take me to court because I insisted that he meet me on Friday, and he flat-out refused. He says they have “plans for stuff” this weekend, and that’s why he’ll meet me on Sunday.

*deep breath*

I am so sick and tired of him taking advantage of me. I’m sick and tired of constantly rearranging my life to accommodate his, only to have him shit on me in the end. I’m sick of him using his money and his (shitty) lawyer against me. He is bound and determined to make my life as hard as he possibly can, using any opportunity to do so. At this point, I think he’s going to continue to do it until the day he dies. I don’t think he’s ever going to get over me leaving him. He’s going to hate me and screw me over forever. He got remarried in June, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, he would finally move past our failed marriage and our divorce. I thought he would accept what happened and get on with his new life…..which obviously, isn’t the case. I’ve clearly moved on and gotten the hell over it…..he needs to also. We’re both remarried, we both have separate lives….and he is STILL trying to ruin mine.

I miss my kids SO much. At least my ex-husband’s new wife is a decent, thoughtful, level-headed woman (how the f*ck he managed to land her is beyond my comprehension. He’s a VERY good liar and manipulator). She constantly sends me pictures of the kids and updates on how they’re doing. But, at this point, I miss them so much that my heart feels like its shattered and lying in a pile of rubble inside my chest. I never really realized how much of my life they occupy, and how much  time I actually spend with them. It gets monotonous, after a while, and I kind of develop blinders to our everyday life.. But once they’re gone, and their rooms are empty and the house is silent, it is glaringly obvious. The only consolation that I have right now is knowing that this is the last week that I’m going to be this lonely. They’re coming home in six days.

In less depressing news, I have two FOs. The first is a stuffed animal I knit at the request of my adorable nephew. He wanted a “red and light blue dinosaur”. The result is this.

rangerrangerowen

The pattern is Basil the Boogie-Woogie Brontosaurus, by Rebecca Danger….who is one of my favorite people on the planet. All of her patterns are so well-written and so easy to follow, and this one is no different. I knit this bad boy in eight days, and had him stuffed and smiling in time to give him to my nephew when he came to spend the weekend with me. He affectionately named him Ranger, and according to my sister, he carries him everywhere. Never lets the thing out of his site. I used Knit Picks Brava Worsted in “Sky” and “Red”. Brava seriously is my go-to acrylic worsted weight yarn. It’s fantastic.

I also managed to crank out a pair of fingerless mitts.

octopimitts

I am OBSESSED with these babies. The pattern is Octo Mitts by SpillyJane. There was two options available, either full-on mittens or fingerless mitts; obviously, I chose the latter. They were super-addicting to knit….the colorwork is beautiful and was SO fun. Of course, using Knit Picks Stroll Brights helped fuel the addiction….the neon colors are stunning. I had them finished in two weeks, christened them my Neon Octopi Mitts, and lovingly tucked them away until the first hint of cold weather.

‘Til next time.

Izzy

 

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